Monday, monday.

An interesting weekend - got a whole day of C-time yesterday, which was incredibly cool, especially since he's had to work the last few saturdays.

Spent saturday messing around with the sewing machine - didn't do too badly, either. With a little practice I should be able to make some fun stuff - as obsessed with the beauty of quilting as I've always been, I've never used my machine for making practical things, and it's a lot more fun than I always thought it was. Admittedly I still have to learn to sew in a straight line, but I find it a lot like a 3-D sudoku puzzle - things have to go in the right places, and working out how it all goes together is absorbing and relaxing all at once.

If anyone has any ideas for places to find easy-ish projects, I'd love to hear about them...

I've not actually managed to do anything useful this weekend at all - which was very nice, but now I have to do it all after work this week. Yuck.

We're also having trouble getting Iz to settle down at night - she had a "bad dream" two weeks ago, and now every night she's scared to go to sleep in case she has the same dream. Something to do with being chased by as gorilla is the best we can get out of her. I'm thinking with all the huge impending change in her life, we should go fairly easy on her (she ends up laying in our bed and falling asleep most nights - we move her when we want to go to bed) but I'm sort of at a loss when it comes to actually getting to the bottom of this, rather than letting her do that every night for the foreseeable future. I guess we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.

Who's afraid of the big, bad dentist?

I made Iz an appointment at the dentist for a few weeks from now - part of the school's drive to make sure kids have teeth when they enter kindergarten, apparently. She has to have a form filled out by a dentist, stating that he's inspected her teeth and she's either OK or undergoing a treatment program for any problems.

I can see the good side of this - kids get their dental needs adressed at an early age, good habits, all that stuff. Part of me, however, wonders how much those dentists paid the Maryland State lawmakers to put this into practice. Iz has already lost two teeth, with one more loose, and her new ones are growing in with no problems. She's never had any tooth pain, and some dentist is going to be able to hold this stupid form over my head and demand that she has an expensive treatment program - who knows whether she really needs it or not?

I've asked around, and picked the most trustworthy dentist I can find. Problem is, since I was a kid, I've not trusted any dentist. Ever since the orthodontist I saw when I was 11 made me insane with fear every time I saw him, I've not been exactly in love with the profession. In fact, I'm scared silly of dentists. Now I'm trying really really hard not to transmit my fear to Iz, who doesn't seem incredibly happy about the idea anyway. We'll get through it, and hopefully it's not traumatic for anyone.

Other things that have happened since I last blogged - not much really. We went on the huge "school supplies" shop yesterday. Iz was excited, and C and I were at each others throats before we got to the end of the first aisle. I say that whne the list says you need 8 large glue sticks, you buy the 8 large glue sticks (even if thay are $2 each). C says that 12 regular glue sticks ($3 total) amount to the same thing and nobody will care - whoa! Culture difference!

If it's specific on the list, then I say we should buy what's specifically stated on the list. I guess part of this is the way I was brought up - follow the instructions to the letter, especially when it comes to school requirements - how else would my school have been able to get my parents to buy uniform that was insanely expensive?

Chris thinks a list is more of a guideline. In fact, if something's not on the list and he likes the look of it, in the cart it goes. If something's close to being on the list, and much cheaper than the item on the list - in the cart it goes. If something on the list isn't in stock and there's a close-ish alternative? You guessed it - into the cart.

It drove me insane! In the end we compromised - I let him by with the glue sticks, but everything else is the same as on the list. Except the tissues - they didn't specify a size for the tissue box, so we improvised. Scary.

Blissful, wonderful sleep.

I slept from 5pm last night until I had to get up for work at 5.30 this morning. It was wonderful. I felt so horrible yesterday that once I was finished with work, I came straight home and went straight to bed. You know those times when all you can think about is closing your eyes and going to sleep, because you feel so icky that everything else just aches? This was one of those times. I seem better today though, which is good - can't afford any time off work.

Been messing around with the idea of some new, easy to complete (and therefore quick) sewing projects. Actually got the material to make an organizer for the back car seat for Iz, and then left the ribbon I wanted to use as trim at the store. So whenever I get back to the store, Iz will get an organiser for all the junk she keeps in the car - the fabric's already cut and waiting for me to start. Also trying to figure out how to make a smallish wallet/ coin purse type thing. Just something big enough for a few credit cards, my drivers license and some cash, but small enough to throw into my pocket. If anything ever comes of it, I'll post pictures. If anyone has any advice, please feel free to share!

Back on track

This weekend seems to have ironed out all the weird curves I was thrown in the last week. Got the car, paid for the car (somehow!) and then went out to dinner yesterday as a belated birthday present.

Got some really cool shoes for my birthday. Usually I'm not someone to go all gushy over shoes, but these shoes rock - I needed a new pair so C took me out after we ate to run around shoe shops. I obliged by picking a pair in the first shop we went into, and not testing his promise that he would remain patient until I had found the perfect pair.

I've also got (wait for it) $20 birthday money. That is, money all for me that I'm not spending on bills or groceries or soccer uniform for a certain five-year-old or any other stuff. I'm now desperately trying to figure out how I'm going to spend it, but I'm sure it's going to end up being books. Yay! Is it only me who gets an absolute thrill out of getting the best and most books for the smallest amount of money possible? Christmas must have been a record - I managed 8 new books, all of which I had really wanted to read, for $50 including shipping. Oh, and a free exercise DVD, which is gathering dust where I placed it when it fell out of the box six months ago. It looks all creepy and motivational and stuff.

Good thing I held off

I was going to post this morning, but decided against it as it would have basically just been one long whine. Now I'm glad I waited - The garage has said they'll work with us on a payment system if the car repairs are too much for our fragile budget. Also, they went over to our house and managed to drive the car back to their shop, so that we woudn't have to pay for towing - how cool is that?

Another incredibly cool thing. My boss, who is probably the nicest boss in the world, and who has been picking me up every morning for work and driving me home, went into the garage at lunchtime and put some money towards getting my car fixed as my birthday present. Did I mention that my boss is one of the nicest people in the world? He is a great guy - we get along really well.

So, really, life is pretty darn good. I'm home from work, and it's my birthday tomorrow, which means C is going to take me out to dinner - totally unexpected, since I figured with the car problems and having to buy him an air ticket this week we'd be eating Ramen noodles by now, but he says he'll swing it some way or another. See? Things are looking up!

...And it's still not over.

At this moment - way after I wanted to crawl into bed (yes, I know it's 8.30), C is out trying to find the part for my car. A friend I work with is helping him, and until a few minutes ago, his kids were over here - he's just taken them home.

C is getting frustrated - he called me from the road because he couldn't find the auto parts store. I'm about at my wits end because although I'd like my car fixed, it doesn't have to happen tonight, and we're both missing about 10 hours of sleep right now.

Argghhh! Why has every single little thing gone wrong today?

It never rains....

but my life does turn into an insane drama (with some unintentional comedy).

I got in the car to pick C up last night, went to the gas station, and grabbed enough gas to get me to the airport and back - there is nowhere convenient near BWI to get gas. So I'm pulling out of the gas station when my car makes that squealy belt sound, but in a really urgent kind of way. Cue much smoke, steam and drama. There goes that belt that I thought sounded funny for the last couple of weeks. Yes, I know, it's my fault.

So I haul it back home with no power steering (no power anything) and stick around for long enough to check that nothing's going to explode (an exploratory look under the hood and three minutes). I bundle Iz into the truck and set out for the airport, grabbing more gas on the way. Yes, I managed to spend $35 on gas before I even got out of my hometown last night. We make it to the airport, and find that C's flight is over an hour late getting in - later than it was when we had left the house. I find a bookstore, buy a book and spend 45 minutes on the floor of the arrivals hall reading it to Iz. Finally C's plane gets in, and I spend a few mintues animatedly explaining to him why we're all sqeezing into the front of his truck. By this time it's 10pm and we haven't even left the airport yet.

Well, we made it home last night, and C got up at 4am to take Iz to daycare (thank goodness for wonderful sisters-in-law who get up really early) and then came home to drive me to work - so I showed up an hour early. Luckily enough, one of the guys i work wit hhas offered to take a look at the car at lunchtime, so if it's just the belt that's the problem I might not have to pay to get it towed to a shop and worked on there. Good thing too - C is wonderful, and good at many things, but cars are not one of those things.

So I've now managed 6 hours sleep over the last two nights combined. I'm exhausted, which is making me emotional. Now I'm sitting here at work desperately hoping that it is indeed just the belt. Spare money just isn't really happening right now. We already spent the money we had put aside to go out for my birthday on a flight from Florida, now we're digging into savings, and that's not a really deep reserve. At least we have a savings account - we only opened it at Christmas, so the picture in general is definately looking up, if you don't look at too many of the details...

Quick check in....

Headed out to the airport in a few minutes to get C - things seem to have gone fairly well in Florida. I'll be so glad to have him home though - who knew that sharing a queen size bed with a 5 year old would be so painful?

I let Iz sleep in my bed the last few nights. Much easier, and she missed C like crazy. Now begins the struggle - will she willingly sleep in her own room tonight or are we back to "camp outs" - a blanket and pillow on the floor at the foot of our bed. Yay.

I learned a few things this weekend. For one as much as I whine about C, he's useful to have around. Second, I can manage on my own. I even seem to get more stuff done, since I can't stand Iz sitting in front of the TV all the time. We sat and did some math yesterday - I was surprised how well she did. She has to go for testing at the school next week - the kindergarten teachers want to do some aptitude testing and talk to parents, which is reassuring - they at least act like communication is important - much more hopeful than the lack of help I got last year. It's good to know that the teachers care even if the county can't manage to answer a letter or a phone call.

Guilty.

I've slept on my last post, and I really should delete it, but I'm not going to. As much as I miss C, it's shitty of me to feel bad because he's going to see his grandmother.

Latest news: They're eating breakfast in Savannah, GA. At a Cracker Barrel? I'm sure you can find better things to eat in GA, but I'm sure they're looking for fast and don't have time to explore.

Not sure what Iz and I are going to do today, but I plan on taking her to do something fun to take her mind off C not being around.

And everything changed.

C's grandmother down in Florida, who fell and broke her hip a week ago, has taken a turn for the worse. Not only that, C's mother will not fly.

C, being the good son that he is, is on his way down to Florida. In his parents car. He's taking turns with his father so that they can drive right through. What's worse? I'm the idiot that suggested it. OK, maybe it's not that idiotic, but it's got to be on that list. But I do want C to be able to see his grandmother again, and I want him to be there for his parents - it just means he's not here for me - yup - thats the issue here - I'm selfish, people.

In a few minutes I'll take a chill pill and get some perspective, but right now I'm mad at myself. I'm mad at myself for doing the right thing, I guess. After the last two days, when we've managed to have a huge fight every night, I was really looking forward to some proper time with him. Oh well. I'll get that all the rest of the weekends this summer, I can give one up - right?

Cleaning sucks.

Phew. I'm half way through cleaning out Izzy's room, with (sometimes) and without (mostly) her help. Good news is that finally her room will look loike a real room, with carpet and stuff.

The bad news? We're cleaning up because she's asked to redecorate her room. True, she's five and perhaps her nusery theme is a bit young for her, but I'm also not sure what a five year old who is obsessed with Hannah Montana (blech) and Spongebob Squarepants (to say nothing of having a thing for really bad reality TV - Supernanny?) will come up with as a plan for redecoration. Not only that, but we don't have a ton of money, so her furniture has to stay - the bed is no problem, since it's cute and probably the most expensive piece of furniture we've ever bought. Thre dressers need a little work - they're hand me downs, and they're nice, but they're most definately made for a room that's much bigger than Izzy's. Oh well, I'm sure we'll figure it out.

Other than that, last night was stressful. Too much bad stuff going on, and neither C or I seem to have time for each other's feelings. We both need to take a deep breath, but with work, home stuff and Izzy we really don't have the time.

Speaking if Izzy, I have to go now. I'm off to go make a butterfly princess bed canopy. Yay.

Lets see how long this takes...

It took me two hours to manage last night's blog at home - spent a lot of time getting up from the computer and doing other things, and as a result I wasn't really happy with how my post reads - I'm not very good at communication, and sometimes it takes quite a bit of concentration to get my point across. Add some distraction to that, and you've got a garbled mess.

So lets try blogging from the cubicle. Work cubicle, that is.

We went into Westminster yesterday to get some fish and crabs to put in C's new beach paludarium. It looks really good - when we're finished I'll post a picture. We managed to get fish (and who ever would have thought I'd be excited about fish, since I'm still incredibly scared of them?) but no crabs. Petsmart's crabs were substandard, so we have to try back every few days to see if they've had a new delivery of standard crabs. Apparently, crab deliveries to Petsmart ar enot regular things - the crabs show up whenever they feel like it.

Been spending time outside in our yard a lot lately. Well, a lot more time than I used to, anyway. We've lived in the same house for seven years now, and this is the first time we've even bought furniture to sit outside. I'm getting used to having people around now - there are just waist high fences in our neighborhood, so our yard looks directly out on five other yards. I'm used to a bit more privacy than that, but it's nice to spend some time outdoors again, espcially now I have a good reading spot.

So I have to type something now, do I?

Pressure, pressure pressure. I mean, who has something to say on demand? Certainly not me. I have to think to remember my own name most of the time, especially those times where you have to pretend to be a bubbly, people person.

Just like the first day of classes (before I sort of got bored and broke and needed the time at home and quit college for awhile), when you have to do "fun things" and introduce yourself and crap like that. A huge downside of community college. Hello? These classes are costing me mega bucks - if we could perhaps learn something (as if) instead of having to play "the name game"? I'm not a public speaker. I'm not even much of a private speaker, except to a few people who I can really talk to, and I've lost touch with nearly all of them.

OK. I've just reread that last paragraph and it makes me sound like the most boring, grouchy anti-social person in the world. I'm not anti-social, I'm just hideously self conscious. And probably a little bit grouchy. Maybe. I'm not good with my body - it lets me down too much. Heck, sometimes I even have to work to make it breathe, and lets not even go near the whole subject of feeding it.

But sometimes, just sometimes, the clouds clear and I remember how good my body can feel. Those are the times that I step away, and let my mind drift (it takes practice!), and I'm learning how to just be.