Phew. The several hundred pieces of candy I had have finally been handed out. Even on the edge of our neighborhood, I saw about 200 kids dressed up and trick or treating tonight (and every single one of them remembered to say thank you). Iz is still out there somewhere with Chris and her friends from school - they've been gone over an hour now, so who knows what they're up to. Pictures when Chris gets back with the camera/camcerder.
I've had bronchitis all week. Still feel lousy, but it looks like I'm getting better without having to go to the doctor, which is good for the bank balance. Having no health insurance sucks. I don't care what they say, hoarding past prescriptions can be useful when desperate...
Friday, October 31, 2008
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Jobless in Maryland...
So here's the update:
Still no job. T.Rowe Price broke up with me via email, in spite of promising to call (not that I'm that bothered). The guy who called me last week and promised to call back the next day and set up an interview has yet to do so.
I have an interview at a bookstore tomorrow, which would mean retail holiday hell, and inconvenient hours, but at this point it also means pay. And how fraught can a bookstore get? It's not like there will be people fighting over toys or electronics.
Not much else is going on - I'd be a lot happier if I didn't have to find something to do, but life (and bills) dictate that I must work somewhere, so now my sense of worth is directly connected with my job hunt. I applied for a job at the local supermarket, and they have yet to call me back. So there's my dose of low self-esteem for the day.
Still no job. T.Rowe Price broke up with me via email, in spite of promising to call (not that I'm that bothered). The guy who called me last week and promised to call back the next day and set up an interview has yet to do so.
I have an interview at a bookstore tomorrow, which would mean retail holiday hell, and inconvenient hours, but at this point it also means pay. And how fraught can a bookstore get? It's not like there will be people fighting over toys or electronics.
Not much else is going on - I'd be a lot happier if I didn't have to find something to do, but life (and bills) dictate that I must work somewhere, so now my sense of worth is directly connected with my job hunt. I applied for a job at the local supermarket, and they have yet to call me back. So there's my dose of low self-esteem for the day.
Friday, October 3, 2008
1667
Here’s an attempt to write 1667 words as a practice for my attempt at NanoWriMo. I’ve signed up at NaNoWriMo.org in an attempt to write 1667 words a day for the entire month of November – that is, create a block of fictional work of about 50000 words in the month of November. So bear with me – most of this will be waffle. Well, it’s all always waffle, but this one especially so. I give everyone full permission to skip this entry. Obviously you all have permission to skip every entry, since it’s my blog and not a compulsory reading exercise, but you know what I mean.
NaNoWriMo is National Novel Writing Month, although the name is a little misleading, since the “nation” in question seems to be the internet, rather than any particular physical nation. The idea, as I said is to write a novel (or 50,000 words of it) in 30 days. The site, where you can register, has forums, a nice little “author” page (which I must admit, gives me a tiny thrill every time I see it) for each person, where you can share as much or as little about you and your work as you choose and an area to enter your current word count, and apparently an area to upload you (scrambled) work, so that the word count can be verified. Apparently when you do this you get a certificate. I’m not sure I’ll ever see the certificate, but I’m going to give it a try.
Yes, I’m crazy. No, you’re not missing anything, I’ve never admitted to writing anything before. Call this a “coming out” blog entry. Those of you who have known me forever will know that way back in school, I never really did any work. At all. Well, I did work in lessons, sometimes, but the part I don’t think anyone knows is that I spent a lot of the time I should have been doing homework writing things. And promptly throwing things away, because to be honest, none of it was any good.
So why am I doing this? To prove to myself that I can. Because if nothing else, I love a challenge, and I’m at the point in my life right now that I don’t know where I should be, but I know it’s not doing what I’m doing now. Perhaps putting my brain into writing mode for a while every day will act as a good meditation for me. Perhaps in my usual procrastinating way I’ll figure out my life as an alternative to actually doing what I’m supposed to, so then I win either way. To be honest, I suspect I’ll get about halfway through and then start playing around on the internet and totally lose the thread about two weeks in.
But the point is, I’ve always liked writing. As an adult, most of the writing I’ve done has been bloggy, viewpointy stuff, but I’m excited by the challenge of coming up with fiction. I’ve never managed to write more than a short story, fiction-wise. Anyone can write a few thousand words about how fucked up the President is – really, it’s not that hard, but this, to me, is a challenge.
So anyone want to join me? If you do happen to sign up, my username is Beezie, in honor, of course, of the great Iz. If you don’t want to join in, maybe just message me a few times during November to check that I’m still alive and still writing. Or at least one of the two.
So, the coming out part. Like most of the world, I’d love, one day, to write properly. I’ve never told anyone that before. I can hear every single person reading this giggling slightly, uncomfortable because they have no idea how to break it to me that it’s never going to happen. Just humor me. I know that there are a million people in the world better at this than me, but hell, they let Dan Brown make money at writing, so obviously it’s not totally out of the question. Let me dream a little. Don’t bust my bubble.
So what else has been going on in my life that I’m running away from by joining in on NaNoWriMo? Lots, actually. I’ve half heartedly organized my living room, and with another few days work it’s going to become a place that might be possible to keep tidy.
I’ve managed to get a phone interview for a job – one that I really need. The job situation is getting crappy. It’s been decided that if I can’t find anything in the next few weeks I lower my expectations a lot. Like take crappy hours, stock supermarket shelves and deal with it a lot. We just don’t have the money for me not to work. Which sucks, because I really love staying at home. I’d love to be able to work from home, but you’ve actually got to be good at something for that, which is where I hit my stumbling block. Screwing around on the internet is not a talent, however good I am at it.
Other than that, I’m in my usual place, which is trying to figure out where I’m supposed to be. One day I’ll get a handle on that, and I won’t know what to do with myself. Well, I will, because I’ll have figured my life out. Maybe I’ll be able to use my existential belly-button pondering time to actually clean up around here.
Oh! I’ve been eating semi-properly this week so far as well. I’ve managed to eat lots of fruit and vegetables. It’s a big step, and one that I’m not good at. I’m not sure I’m looking at weight loss yet, but I am setting myself up for it.
Life has been full of steps lately. Small ones, but if I can keep them up, maybe I’ll be a more together person. I can’t be less together than I have been for a while.
On the other hand, I’m still totally glad that I made decision that I did. Quitting that job was one of the best things I’ve done in a long time. I used to love it, but it turned into a crazy money-machine which never made any sense. I used to work for people who loved their jobs, and over time, that situation changed. People were brought in who had read about construction in business magazines, and whose idea of “relating to the guys” was wearing a lumberjack shirt and jeans and saying hi to everyone occasionally – that is, when doing lunch somewhere out of the office wasn’t an option. From what I hear from those still there, it hasn’t changed. It’s been much better for my sanity to be away from there, even if it hasn’t been great for our bank balance.
So what am I good at? I’ve spent nearly all this blog talking about how inadequate I am, so it’s time for some positive stuff. Because I’m smart enough, I’m good enough, and dog-gone it…. Yeah, yeah.
Hmm. Something positive. Well, apart from having less than no money, I’m really happy for the first time in ages – that has to be something, right. I’m eating better, and I’m thinking clearer. If I work hard at this, I could actually fight the whole depression thing and start living a bit more normally.
Chris and I had a blast watching the VP debate and playing Palin Bingo last night – cards courtesy of palinbingo.com, although Chris won, which totally sucks. Her inability to say the words “gee”, “bad guys” or “President Karzai” screwed me, although if I had a card with more than one “Maverick” square on it, I’d have had bingo in the first half hour. It was the first time I’ve watched a debate without wanting to poke my eyes out with a splintery toothpick, so perhaps a drinking game next time?
Oh, and Iz is, so far both doing really well and loving school. I was a little worried this year, since she’s made the transition from sitting on a circle singing songs to actual school work. It sort of shows – she’s much more tired when she gets home at night, and much more inclined to throw a tantrum at night when it’s time to go to bed. She’s really happy to go to school, and really happy to do homework – which Chris and I have decided we have to make a priority – neither of us were particularly studious.
I’m surprised by how much homework she’s getting, actually. She gets ILA (Reading/writing/general knowledge) homework and Math homework every day, and it generally takes her about half an hour. I’d be irritated by that for a first-grader if it wasn’t obvious that she actually likes doing it. She also takes much more time over it than she could – if she wasn’t totally into it, she could get it done in half the time, but she insists on painstaking work, coloring everything perfectly, making sure it’s all super neat. I really have no clue where she gets that from, but I’m not complaining.
Closing in on 1667 words now – so it’s obvious that I actually can write this amount every day. I’ve been watching TV, playing on my favorite websites and typing this all at the same time, and it’s only been about an hour and a half. One thing that’s obvious is that I need an outline and I need to plan what I’m writing every day, or I’ll waffle myself into insanity. I have an outline, but it’s clear that I need to put a little more planning in, although I’ve got nearly a month to let it all take shape. One thing I worry about is that the outline I have right now isn’t enough – perhaps it’s enough for about 25,000 words, but at the same time I’m worried that if I get too detailed in the outline, I’ll freak out and get scared of writing it, or I’ll totally scrap it half way through and then get a mammoth case of writers block.
NaNoWriMo is National Novel Writing Month, although the name is a little misleading, since the “nation” in question seems to be the internet, rather than any particular physical nation. The idea, as I said is to write a novel (or 50,000 words of it) in 30 days. The site, where you can register, has forums, a nice little “author” page (which I must admit, gives me a tiny thrill every time I see it) for each person, where you can share as much or as little about you and your work as you choose and an area to enter your current word count, and apparently an area to upload you (scrambled) work, so that the word count can be verified. Apparently when you do this you get a certificate. I’m not sure I’ll ever see the certificate, but I’m going to give it a try.
Yes, I’m crazy. No, you’re not missing anything, I’ve never admitted to writing anything before. Call this a “coming out” blog entry. Those of you who have known me forever will know that way back in school, I never really did any work. At all. Well, I did work in lessons, sometimes, but the part I don’t think anyone knows is that I spent a lot of the time I should have been doing homework writing things. And promptly throwing things away, because to be honest, none of it was any good.
So why am I doing this? To prove to myself that I can. Because if nothing else, I love a challenge, and I’m at the point in my life right now that I don’t know where I should be, but I know it’s not doing what I’m doing now. Perhaps putting my brain into writing mode for a while every day will act as a good meditation for me. Perhaps in my usual procrastinating way I’ll figure out my life as an alternative to actually doing what I’m supposed to, so then I win either way. To be honest, I suspect I’ll get about halfway through and then start playing around on the internet and totally lose the thread about two weeks in.
But the point is, I’ve always liked writing. As an adult, most of the writing I’ve done has been bloggy, viewpointy stuff, but I’m excited by the challenge of coming up with fiction. I’ve never managed to write more than a short story, fiction-wise. Anyone can write a few thousand words about how fucked up the President is – really, it’s not that hard, but this, to me, is a challenge.
So anyone want to join me? If you do happen to sign up, my username is Beezie, in honor, of course, of the great Iz. If you don’t want to join in, maybe just message me a few times during November to check that I’m still alive and still writing. Or at least one of the two.
So, the coming out part. Like most of the world, I’d love, one day, to write properly. I’ve never told anyone that before. I can hear every single person reading this giggling slightly, uncomfortable because they have no idea how to break it to me that it’s never going to happen. Just humor me. I know that there are a million people in the world better at this than me, but hell, they let Dan Brown make money at writing, so obviously it’s not totally out of the question. Let me dream a little. Don’t bust my bubble.
So what else has been going on in my life that I’m running away from by joining in on NaNoWriMo? Lots, actually. I’ve half heartedly organized my living room, and with another few days work it’s going to become a place that might be possible to keep tidy.
I’ve managed to get a phone interview for a job – one that I really need. The job situation is getting crappy. It’s been decided that if I can’t find anything in the next few weeks I lower my expectations a lot. Like take crappy hours, stock supermarket shelves and deal with it a lot. We just don’t have the money for me not to work. Which sucks, because I really love staying at home. I’d love to be able to work from home, but you’ve actually got to be good at something for that, which is where I hit my stumbling block. Screwing around on the internet is not a talent, however good I am at it.
Other than that, I’m in my usual place, which is trying to figure out where I’m supposed to be. One day I’ll get a handle on that, and I won’t know what to do with myself. Well, I will, because I’ll have figured my life out. Maybe I’ll be able to use my existential belly-button pondering time to actually clean up around here.
Oh! I’ve been eating semi-properly this week so far as well. I’ve managed to eat lots of fruit and vegetables. It’s a big step, and one that I’m not good at. I’m not sure I’m looking at weight loss yet, but I am setting myself up for it.
Life has been full of steps lately. Small ones, but if I can keep them up, maybe I’ll be a more together person. I can’t be less together than I have been for a while.
On the other hand, I’m still totally glad that I made decision that I did. Quitting that job was one of the best things I’ve done in a long time. I used to love it, but it turned into a crazy money-machine which never made any sense. I used to work for people who loved their jobs, and over time, that situation changed. People were brought in who had read about construction in business magazines, and whose idea of “relating to the guys” was wearing a lumberjack shirt and jeans and saying hi to everyone occasionally – that is, when doing lunch somewhere out of the office wasn’t an option. From what I hear from those still there, it hasn’t changed. It’s been much better for my sanity to be away from there, even if it hasn’t been great for our bank balance.
So what am I good at? I’ve spent nearly all this blog talking about how inadequate I am, so it’s time for some positive stuff. Because I’m smart enough, I’m good enough, and dog-gone it…. Yeah, yeah.
Hmm. Something positive. Well, apart from having less than no money, I’m really happy for the first time in ages – that has to be something, right. I’m eating better, and I’m thinking clearer. If I work hard at this, I could actually fight the whole depression thing and start living a bit more normally.
Chris and I had a blast watching the VP debate and playing Palin Bingo last night – cards courtesy of palinbingo.com, although Chris won, which totally sucks. Her inability to say the words “gee”, “bad guys” or “President Karzai” screwed me, although if I had a card with more than one “Maverick” square on it, I’d have had bingo in the first half hour. It was the first time I’ve watched a debate without wanting to poke my eyes out with a splintery toothpick, so perhaps a drinking game next time?
Oh, and Iz is, so far both doing really well and loving school. I was a little worried this year, since she’s made the transition from sitting on a circle singing songs to actual school work. It sort of shows – she’s much more tired when she gets home at night, and much more inclined to throw a tantrum at night when it’s time to go to bed. She’s really happy to go to school, and really happy to do homework – which Chris and I have decided we have to make a priority – neither of us were particularly studious.
I’m surprised by how much homework she’s getting, actually. She gets ILA (Reading/writing/general knowledge) homework and Math homework every day, and it generally takes her about half an hour. I’d be irritated by that for a first-grader if it wasn’t obvious that she actually likes doing it. She also takes much more time over it than she could – if she wasn’t totally into it, she could get it done in half the time, but she insists on painstaking work, coloring everything perfectly, making sure it’s all super neat. I really have no clue where she gets that from, but I’m not complaining.
Closing in on 1667 words now – so it’s obvious that I actually can write this amount every day. I’ve been watching TV, playing on my favorite websites and typing this all at the same time, and it’s only been about an hour and a half. One thing that’s obvious is that I need an outline and I need to plan what I’m writing every day, or I’ll waffle myself into insanity. I have an outline, but it’s clear that I need to put a little more planning in, although I’ve got nearly a month to let it all take shape. One thing I worry about is that the outline I have right now isn’t enough – perhaps it’s enough for about 25,000 words, but at the same time I’m worried that if I get too detailed in the outline, I’ll freak out and get scared of writing it, or I’ll totally scrap it half way through and then get a mammoth case of writers block.
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