Because I'm too irritated with life to write anything exciting today.
I went to Wordle.net and pasted in my whole NaNoWriMo book, and made it into a word cloud. It's actually a lot more interesting that way. - Here's the link:
http://www.wordle.net/gallery/wrdl/344123/Burning_Down_the_House
Trust me - it's more interesting than the book.
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Friday, October 31, 2008
Happy Halloween!
Phew. The several hundred pieces of candy I had have finally been handed out. Even on the edge of our neighborhood, I saw about 200 kids dressed up and trick or treating tonight (and every single one of them remembered to say thank you). Iz is still out there somewhere with Chris and her friends from school - they've been gone over an hour now, so who knows what they're up to. Pictures when Chris gets back with the camera/camcerder.
I've had bronchitis all week. Still feel lousy, but it looks like I'm getting better without having to go to the doctor, which is good for the bank balance. Having no health insurance sucks. I don't care what they say, hoarding past prescriptions can be useful when desperate...
I've had bronchitis all week. Still feel lousy, but it looks like I'm getting better without having to go to the doctor, which is good for the bank balance. Having no health insurance sucks. I don't care what they say, hoarding past prescriptions can be useful when desperate...
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Jobless in Maryland...
So here's the update:
Still no job. T.Rowe Price broke up with me via email, in spite of promising to call (not that I'm that bothered). The guy who called me last week and promised to call back the next day and set up an interview has yet to do so.
I have an interview at a bookstore tomorrow, which would mean retail holiday hell, and inconvenient hours, but at this point it also means pay. And how fraught can a bookstore get? It's not like there will be people fighting over toys or electronics.
Not much else is going on - I'd be a lot happier if I didn't have to find something to do, but life (and bills) dictate that I must work somewhere, so now my sense of worth is directly connected with my job hunt. I applied for a job at the local supermarket, and they have yet to call me back. So there's my dose of low self-esteem for the day.
Still no job. T.Rowe Price broke up with me via email, in spite of promising to call (not that I'm that bothered). The guy who called me last week and promised to call back the next day and set up an interview has yet to do so.
I have an interview at a bookstore tomorrow, which would mean retail holiday hell, and inconvenient hours, but at this point it also means pay. And how fraught can a bookstore get? It's not like there will be people fighting over toys or electronics.
Not much else is going on - I'd be a lot happier if I didn't have to find something to do, but life (and bills) dictate that I must work somewhere, so now my sense of worth is directly connected with my job hunt. I applied for a job at the local supermarket, and they have yet to call me back. So there's my dose of low self-esteem for the day.
Friday, October 3, 2008
1667
Here’s an attempt to write 1667 words as a practice for my attempt at NanoWriMo. I’ve signed up at NaNoWriMo.org in an attempt to write 1667 words a day for the entire month of November – that is, create a block of fictional work of about 50000 words in the month of November. So bear with me – most of this will be waffle. Well, it’s all always waffle, but this one especially so. I give everyone full permission to skip this entry. Obviously you all have permission to skip every entry, since it’s my blog and not a compulsory reading exercise, but you know what I mean.
NaNoWriMo is National Novel Writing Month, although the name is a little misleading, since the “nation” in question seems to be the internet, rather than any particular physical nation. The idea, as I said is to write a novel (or 50,000 words of it) in 30 days. The site, where you can register, has forums, a nice little “author” page (which I must admit, gives me a tiny thrill every time I see it) for each person, where you can share as much or as little about you and your work as you choose and an area to enter your current word count, and apparently an area to upload you (scrambled) work, so that the word count can be verified. Apparently when you do this you get a certificate. I’m not sure I’ll ever see the certificate, but I’m going to give it a try.
Yes, I’m crazy. No, you’re not missing anything, I’ve never admitted to writing anything before. Call this a “coming out” blog entry. Those of you who have known me forever will know that way back in school, I never really did any work. At all. Well, I did work in lessons, sometimes, but the part I don’t think anyone knows is that I spent a lot of the time I should have been doing homework writing things. And promptly throwing things away, because to be honest, none of it was any good.
So why am I doing this? To prove to myself that I can. Because if nothing else, I love a challenge, and I’m at the point in my life right now that I don’t know where I should be, but I know it’s not doing what I’m doing now. Perhaps putting my brain into writing mode for a while every day will act as a good meditation for me. Perhaps in my usual procrastinating way I’ll figure out my life as an alternative to actually doing what I’m supposed to, so then I win either way. To be honest, I suspect I’ll get about halfway through and then start playing around on the internet and totally lose the thread about two weeks in.
But the point is, I’ve always liked writing. As an adult, most of the writing I’ve done has been bloggy, viewpointy stuff, but I’m excited by the challenge of coming up with fiction. I’ve never managed to write more than a short story, fiction-wise. Anyone can write a few thousand words about how fucked up the President is – really, it’s not that hard, but this, to me, is a challenge.
So anyone want to join me? If you do happen to sign up, my username is Beezie, in honor, of course, of the great Iz. If you don’t want to join in, maybe just message me a few times during November to check that I’m still alive and still writing. Or at least one of the two.
So, the coming out part. Like most of the world, I’d love, one day, to write properly. I’ve never told anyone that before. I can hear every single person reading this giggling slightly, uncomfortable because they have no idea how to break it to me that it’s never going to happen. Just humor me. I know that there are a million people in the world better at this than me, but hell, they let Dan Brown make money at writing, so obviously it’s not totally out of the question. Let me dream a little. Don’t bust my bubble.
So what else has been going on in my life that I’m running away from by joining in on NaNoWriMo? Lots, actually. I’ve half heartedly organized my living room, and with another few days work it’s going to become a place that might be possible to keep tidy.
I’ve managed to get a phone interview for a job – one that I really need. The job situation is getting crappy. It’s been decided that if I can’t find anything in the next few weeks I lower my expectations a lot. Like take crappy hours, stock supermarket shelves and deal with it a lot. We just don’t have the money for me not to work. Which sucks, because I really love staying at home. I’d love to be able to work from home, but you’ve actually got to be good at something for that, which is where I hit my stumbling block. Screwing around on the internet is not a talent, however good I am at it.
Other than that, I’m in my usual place, which is trying to figure out where I’m supposed to be. One day I’ll get a handle on that, and I won’t know what to do with myself. Well, I will, because I’ll have figured my life out. Maybe I’ll be able to use my existential belly-button pondering time to actually clean up around here.
Oh! I’ve been eating semi-properly this week so far as well. I’ve managed to eat lots of fruit and vegetables. It’s a big step, and one that I’m not good at. I’m not sure I’m looking at weight loss yet, but I am setting myself up for it.
Life has been full of steps lately. Small ones, but if I can keep them up, maybe I’ll be a more together person. I can’t be less together than I have been for a while.
On the other hand, I’m still totally glad that I made decision that I did. Quitting that job was one of the best things I’ve done in a long time. I used to love it, but it turned into a crazy money-machine which never made any sense. I used to work for people who loved their jobs, and over time, that situation changed. People were brought in who had read about construction in business magazines, and whose idea of “relating to the guys” was wearing a lumberjack shirt and jeans and saying hi to everyone occasionally – that is, when doing lunch somewhere out of the office wasn’t an option. From what I hear from those still there, it hasn’t changed. It’s been much better for my sanity to be away from there, even if it hasn’t been great for our bank balance.
So what am I good at? I’ve spent nearly all this blog talking about how inadequate I am, so it’s time for some positive stuff. Because I’m smart enough, I’m good enough, and dog-gone it…. Yeah, yeah.
Hmm. Something positive. Well, apart from having less than no money, I’m really happy for the first time in ages – that has to be something, right. I’m eating better, and I’m thinking clearer. If I work hard at this, I could actually fight the whole depression thing and start living a bit more normally.
Chris and I had a blast watching the VP debate and playing Palin Bingo last night – cards courtesy of palinbingo.com, although Chris won, which totally sucks. Her inability to say the words “gee”, “bad guys” or “President Karzai” screwed me, although if I had a card with more than one “Maverick” square on it, I’d have had bingo in the first half hour. It was the first time I’ve watched a debate without wanting to poke my eyes out with a splintery toothpick, so perhaps a drinking game next time?
Oh, and Iz is, so far both doing really well and loving school. I was a little worried this year, since she’s made the transition from sitting on a circle singing songs to actual school work. It sort of shows – she’s much more tired when she gets home at night, and much more inclined to throw a tantrum at night when it’s time to go to bed. She’s really happy to go to school, and really happy to do homework – which Chris and I have decided we have to make a priority – neither of us were particularly studious.
I’m surprised by how much homework she’s getting, actually. She gets ILA (Reading/writing/general knowledge) homework and Math homework every day, and it generally takes her about half an hour. I’d be irritated by that for a first-grader if it wasn’t obvious that she actually likes doing it. She also takes much more time over it than she could – if she wasn’t totally into it, she could get it done in half the time, but she insists on painstaking work, coloring everything perfectly, making sure it’s all super neat. I really have no clue where she gets that from, but I’m not complaining.
Closing in on 1667 words now – so it’s obvious that I actually can write this amount every day. I’ve been watching TV, playing on my favorite websites and typing this all at the same time, and it’s only been about an hour and a half. One thing that’s obvious is that I need an outline and I need to plan what I’m writing every day, or I’ll waffle myself into insanity. I have an outline, but it’s clear that I need to put a little more planning in, although I’ve got nearly a month to let it all take shape. One thing I worry about is that the outline I have right now isn’t enough – perhaps it’s enough for about 25,000 words, but at the same time I’m worried that if I get too detailed in the outline, I’ll freak out and get scared of writing it, or I’ll totally scrap it half way through and then get a mammoth case of writers block.
NaNoWriMo is National Novel Writing Month, although the name is a little misleading, since the “nation” in question seems to be the internet, rather than any particular physical nation. The idea, as I said is to write a novel (or 50,000 words of it) in 30 days. The site, where you can register, has forums, a nice little “author” page (which I must admit, gives me a tiny thrill every time I see it) for each person, where you can share as much or as little about you and your work as you choose and an area to enter your current word count, and apparently an area to upload you (scrambled) work, so that the word count can be verified. Apparently when you do this you get a certificate. I’m not sure I’ll ever see the certificate, but I’m going to give it a try.
Yes, I’m crazy. No, you’re not missing anything, I’ve never admitted to writing anything before. Call this a “coming out” blog entry. Those of you who have known me forever will know that way back in school, I never really did any work. At all. Well, I did work in lessons, sometimes, but the part I don’t think anyone knows is that I spent a lot of the time I should have been doing homework writing things. And promptly throwing things away, because to be honest, none of it was any good.
So why am I doing this? To prove to myself that I can. Because if nothing else, I love a challenge, and I’m at the point in my life right now that I don’t know where I should be, but I know it’s not doing what I’m doing now. Perhaps putting my brain into writing mode for a while every day will act as a good meditation for me. Perhaps in my usual procrastinating way I’ll figure out my life as an alternative to actually doing what I’m supposed to, so then I win either way. To be honest, I suspect I’ll get about halfway through and then start playing around on the internet and totally lose the thread about two weeks in.
But the point is, I’ve always liked writing. As an adult, most of the writing I’ve done has been bloggy, viewpointy stuff, but I’m excited by the challenge of coming up with fiction. I’ve never managed to write more than a short story, fiction-wise. Anyone can write a few thousand words about how fucked up the President is – really, it’s not that hard, but this, to me, is a challenge.
So anyone want to join me? If you do happen to sign up, my username is Beezie, in honor, of course, of the great Iz. If you don’t want to join in, maybe just message me a few times during November to check that I’m still alive and still writing. Or at least one of the two.
So, the coming out part. Like most of the world, I’d love, one day, to write properly. I’ve never told anyone that before. I can hear every single person reading this giggling slightly, uncomfortable because they have no idea how to break it to me that it’s never going to happen. Just humor me. I know that there are a million people in the world better at this than me, but hell, they let Dan Brown make money at writing, so obviously it’s not totally out of the question. Let me dream a little. Don’t bust my bubble.
So what else has been going on in my life that I’m running away from by joining in on NaNoWriMo? Lots, actually. I’ve half heartedly organized my living room, and with another few days work it’s going to become a place that might be possible to keep tidy.
I’ve managed to get a phone interview for a job – one that I really need. The job situation is getting crappy. It’s been decided that if I can’t find anything in the next few weeks I lower my expectations a lot. Like take crappy hours, stock supermarket shelves and deal with it a lot. We just don’t have the money for me not to work. Which sucks, because I really love staying at home. I’d love to be able to work from home, but you’ve actually got to be good at something for that, which is where I hit my stumbling block. Screwing around on the internet is not a talent, however good I am at it.
Other than that, I’m in my usual place, which is trying to figure out where I’m supposed to be. One day I’ll get a handle on that, and I won’t know what to do with myself. Well, I will, because I’ll have figured my life out. Maybe I’ll be able to use my existential belly-button pondering time to actually clean up around here.
Oh! I’ve been eating semi-properly this week so far as well. I’ve managed to eat lots of fruit and vegetables. It’s a big step, and one that I’m not good at. I’m not sure I’m looking at weight loss yet, but I am setting myself up for it.
Life has been full of steps lately. Small ones, but if I can keep them up, maybe I’ll be a more together person. I can’t be less together than I have been for a while.
On the other hand, I’m still totally glad that I made decision that I did. Quitting that job was one of the best things I’ve done in a long time. I used to love it, but it turned into a crazy money-machine which never made any sense. I used to work for people who loved their jobs, and over time, that situation changed. People were brought in who had read about construction in business magazines, and whose idea of “relating to the guys” was wearing a lumberjack shirt and jeans and saying hi to everyone occasionally – that is, when doing lunch somewhere out of the office wasn’t an option. From what I hear from those still there, it hasn’t changed. It’s been much better for my sanity to be away from there, even if it hasn’t been great for our bank balance.
So what am I good at? I’ve spent nearly all this blog talking about how inadequate I am, so it’s time for some positive stuff. Because I’m smart enough, I’m good enough, and dog-gone it…. Yeah, yeah.
Hmm. Something positive. Well, apart from having less than no money, I’m really happy for the first time in ages – that has to be something, right. I’m eating better, and I’m thinking clearer. If I work hard at this, I could actually fight the whole depression thing and start living a bit more normally.
Chris and I had a blast watching the VP debate and playing Palin Bingo last night – cards courtesy of palinbingo.com, although Chris won, which totally sucks. Her inability to say the words “gee”, “bad guys” or “President Karzai” screwed me, although if I had a card with more than one “Maverick” square on it, I’d have had bingo in the first half hour. It was the first time I’ve watched a debate without wanting to poke my eyes out with a splintery toothpick, so perhaps a drinking game next time?
Oh, and Iz is, so far both doing really well and loving school. I was a little worried this year, since she’s made the transition from sitting on a circle singing songs to actual school work. It sort of shows – she’s much more tired when she gets home at night, and much more inclined to throw a tantrum at night when it’s time to go to bed. She’s really happy to go to school, and really happy to do homework – which Chris and I have decided we have to make a priority – neither of us were particularly studious.
I’m surprised by how much homework she’s getting, actually. She gets ILA (Reading/writing/general knowledge) homework and Math homework every day, and it generally takes her about half an hour. I’d be irritated by that for a first-grader if it wasn’t obvious that she actually likes doing it. She also takes much more time over it than she could – if she wasn’t totally into it, she could get it done in half the time, but she insists on painstaking work, coloring everything perfectly, making sure it’s all super neat. I really have no clue where she gets that from, but I’m not complaining.
Closing in on 1667 words now – so it’s obvious that I actually can write this amount every day. I’ve been watching TV, playing on my favorite websites and typing this all at the same time, and it’s only been about an hour and a half. One thing that’s obvious is that I need an outline and I need to plan what I’m writing every day, or I’ll waffle myself into insanity. I have an outline, but it’s clear that I need to put a little more planning in, although I’ve got nearly a month to let it all take shape. One thing I worry about is that the outline I have right now isn’t enough – perhaps it’s enough for about 25,000 words, but at the same time I’m worried that if I get too detailed in the outline, I’ll freak out and get scared of writing it, or I’ll totally scrap it half way through and then get a mammoth case of writers block.
Friday, September 5, 2008
Loooooser!
Yes, it's been a while. In fact, I had almost forgotten that I had a blog (except for those moments when something interesting happened over the last few weeks and I thought "gosh, I must blog about that" and then promptly forgot), but someone shamelessly complimented me on this blog today and it actually prompted me to post an update.
So, where do I start? Not working at the moment. Applying for jobs and not getting incredibly far, but if I'm totally honest, I'm not trying as hard as I could be either. It's looking like it'll be the supermarket for me some time soon. At least it's close to home and not too demanding.
So that's loser point #1. Unemployed and need to get a job.
Loser point #2? It's 2.45 right now, and I've still not managed to do the washing up from last night's dinner, even though I've been at home all day. Yup, I've become a shameless slacker. Well, I've not exactly become a shameless slacker, I've always been a shameless slacker, but I usually manage to hide it and at least make it look like I made an effort - Quiet those of you in the back who have known me since school, where I didn't even bother to show up for quite a lot of the last year of A-Levels. Yes, I know - not my proudest moment.
Loser point #3. I can't win anything, which is about as loserish as it can get, really. Some of you might know that one of my many ways of spending lots of time online and not actually doing anything productive is to enter lots of things. Generally, I can win at least something teeny tiny here and there (and sometimes something really cool and quite significant) but lately I can't even manage a cell phone ring-tone (which is the internet contest prize equivalent of those flyers for carpet cleaning they hand out when you walk down the street).
So, I'm unemployed, spending lots of time on the internet, and I don't even have anything free to show for it. But I have been watching BBC America all day, which means I'm well up on antiques, Gordon Ramsey and vegetable juice.
Really, if I see another episode of "You are what you eat", I'm going to lose my lunch.
So, where do I start? Not working at the moment. Applying for jobs and not getting incredibly far, but if I'm totally honest, I'm not trying as hard as I could be either. It's looking like it'll be the supermarket for me some time soon. At least it's close to home and not too demanding.
So that's loser point #1. Unemployed and need to get a job.
Loser point #2? It's 2.45 right now, and I've still not managed to do the washing up from last night's dinner, even though I've been at home all day. Yup, I've become a shameless slacker. Well, I've not exactly become a shameless slacker, I've always been a shameless slacker, but I usually manage to hide it and at least make it look like I made an effort - Quiet those of you in the back who have known me since school, where I didn't even bother to show up for quite a lot of the last year of A-Levels. Yes, I know - not my proudest moment.
Loser point #3. I can't win anything, which is about as loserish as it can get, really. Some of you might know that one of my many ways of spending lots of time online and not actually doing anything productive is to enter lots of things. Generally, I can win at least something teeny tiny here and there (and sometimes something really cool and quite significant) but lately I can't even manage a cell phone ring-tone (which is the internet contest prize equivalent of those flyers for carpet cleaning they hand out when you walk down the street).
So, I'm unemployed, spending lots of time on the internet, and I don't even have anything free to show for it. But I have been watching BBC America all day, which means I'm well up on antiques, Gordon Ramsey and vegetable juice.
Really, if I see another episode of "You are what you eat", I'm going to lose my lunch.
Monday, June 2, 2008
Who am I?
Well, the title of blog has never been quite so apt. I've been trying not to post anything becasue I'm scared it'll turn into the hysterical-weepy self analysis that happens every time I open my mouth lately, but I've been asked to blog and I have promised I would, so here it is. No complaining about the mope-fest I'm sure it'll turn out to be:
Work is..... well, suffice to say, work is work. It's not what I want to do forever. Not that I ever really thought it was, but lately it's not even been what I want to do with the next week of my life, let along the next 40 years.
Trouble is, there isn't really anything else. I'm essentially a useful person to have around, but I'm not trained for anything. I have no talents that would lead me to a career (whinging on blogs isn't lucrative, apparently) and I have no qualifications which would allow me to be useful and not have to answer the phone in a cheery voice every ten minutes for the rest of my working life.
What I really, really want is about three months off, to try and figure out the next step without becoming hysterical on a regular basis. Unfortunately, that's not going to happen. I have been assured by my better half that it's not exactly financially viable for me to have a "hitting 30 hard and I've got no career to show for it" crisis right now. I know - I've got some great timing, don't I? World economy falls apart, Anna wants to stop working. Why could I not have had this crisis two years ago?
So, here it is. Any ideas? Post 'em. I could use the help.
Work is..... well, suffice to say, work is work. It's not what I want to do forever. Not that I ever really thought it was, but lately it's not even been what I want to do with the next week of my life, let along the next 40 years.
Trouble is, there isn't really anything else. I'm essentially a useful person to have around, but I'm not trained for anything. I have no talents that would lead me to a career (whinging on blogs isn't lucrative, apparently) and I have no qualifications which would allow me to be useful and not have to answer the phone in a cheery voice every ten minutes for the rest of my working life.
What I really, really want is about three months off, to try and figure out the next step without becoming hysterical on a regular basis. Unfortunately, that's not going to happen. I have been assured by my better half that it's not exactly financially viable for me to have a "hitting 30 hard and I've got no career to show for it" crisis right now. I know - I've got some great timing, don't I? World economy falls apart, Anna wants to stop working. Why could I not have had this crisis two years ago?
So, here it is. Any ideas? Post 'em. I could use the help.
Friday, February 29, 2008
I wasn't planning on blogging today...
But I logged onto the BBC news website and found a story about someone so short sighted it takes my breath away. This guy. Apparently when you decide to walk to India relying upon the goodness of strangers you don't think about actually communicating with said strangers - they're just peons in the background there to provide you with everything you need. The most hilarious thing about this story? He's planning on walking around the coast of England while learning French in order to do this next year. Has anyone handed him a map and told him that he might need to think about a few more languages?
Which kind of brings me to my point. Plans. I've been putting a little simple planning into practice lately, and it's been awesome. Nothing special, just a list (made on Sundays) of what I plan to cook for dinner each night, and whether Iz will be buying school dinners or I need to pack her a lunch for each day. A tiny litte plan. A planette, if you will. I'm amazed at the difference that this has made in my life (and how much better the food is in our house if you actually think about it more than five minutes before you need to start cooking). So far we've had some really nice things, with lots of homemade pasta (yum!) and actualy real fresh food.
In other news, I'm going to get political here for a second. I'm amazed by how much my political outlook has changed just by living in a country run by President Bush. In a weird, twisted way I'm grateful for it - I've realized that what small faith I have plays a huge part in how I vote, and how I live my life - about not judging other people, and being there to help people who need it whoever they are - in short, I'm more of a confirmed Democrat now than I ever was before.
The more comments I hear about "minorities taking over the country" and "gosh we'll all be in Mosques next" the more scared I get. I get scared because the level of intolerance in this country seems to rise all the time. Otherwise educated people who I come across in my daily life seem to think it's OK to make fun of other faiths - people who would be outraged if you made an anti-Christian joke think it's just hilarious to make fun of someone else's faith. Quite a few of those people also seem to think that its unthinkable to elect a Black man President of the United States, because it means that "they'll take over". Excuse me? Who "they"?
I've been amazed by how these primary elections have laid bare some of the secret beliefs that people hold. That people who are different than themselves must have some secret agenda. Someone told me a few weeks ago that they really believe that Obama is a secret muslim, who as soon as he's elected will whip out a copy of the Quaran and say "fooled you all!".
I'm also amazed lately by my search for a church. I've visited lots of church websites and read lots of church newsletters, but only in one do I get the sense that everyone is truly welcome whatever their color, race or sexuality. Apparently Jesus only came to save straight white people, you see. The only church I've found that specifically states that all are welcome is too far away from me to be a real contender in the "Where Anna atends church" stakes.
Which brings me to another topic, while we're sort of here. A good friend posted a question on her blog that I think deserves much more space than a comment would allow. She asked people's feelings on the ordination of gay people in the Church of England. Here follows my rant:
Why is it so morally right to be a straight person? Do straight people have a monopoly on monogamy (try saying that three times fast) , moral behaviour and family values? Judging by some of the heterosexual relationships I've seen (and been involved in), I really don't believe it's any more moral to be straight than it is to be gay. It's how you live your life, not how you were born.
Some people argue that being gay is sinful behaviour. Well, I don't necessarily believe so, but if you want to take that arguement I'm just as sinful. Know why? Because I'm fat. I'm much more sure that gluttony is a sin than I'm sure that being gay is a sin, but I'm still fat. I'm an unrepentant sinner in this case, which makes me just as "biblically bad" as anyone. Yet I'm welcome to become a priest in the Church of England (assuming I felt that appropriate calling). I'm pretty much welcome everywhere, even though I wear my sin like a big overcoat, advertising it to all and sundry.
My third point here is a huge one, to me. I don't want to think about what my spiritual leader does in bed. Ever. I don't want to think about the Vicar and his wife, or the Vicar and his husband. Seriously - neither is more appealing to me. It's not important - just as it's not important in any other relationship that I have. I don't give a crap what my coworkers do in bed, or my neighbors. Or the bus driver. It shouldn't matter.
People are who they are. I can't change that I like pizza. I'll always like pizza. Even if I never see a pizza again in my life. Even if I promise to only eat celery for the rest of my life - I'll always prefer pizza, and, to stretch the analogy some, resent celery. to stretch the analogy somewhat further, what if I were to promise to everyone I'd only ever eat celery again, but snuck some pizza once in a while? That would be much worse than telling the world that I like pizza, and that occasionally I was going to go ahead and eat some, right?
So anyway, I get queasy when I see people turned away from a loving relationship with God because they're "not right". Because I know I'm as "not right" as they come, but noone turns me away, and because I'm not turned away, maybe I should speak up for those who are turned away, because I really don't think that God turns anyone away. If he does, then he's not a God I want to praise.
Which kind of brings me to my point. Plans. I've been putting a little simple planning into practice lately, and it's been awesome. Nothing special, just a list (made on Sundays) of what I plan to cook for dinner each night, and whether Iz will be buying school dinners or I need to pack her a lunch for each day. A tiny litte plan. A planette, if you will. I'm amazed at the difference that this has made in my life (and how much better the food is in our house if you actually think about it more than five minutes before you need to start cooking). So far we've had some really nice things, with lots of homemade pasta (yum!) and actualy real fresh food.
In other news, I'm going to get political here for a second. I'm amazed by how much my political outlook has changed just by living in a country run by President Bush. In a weird, twisted way I'm grateful for it - I've realized that what small faith I have plays a huge part in how I vote, and how I live my life - about not judging other people, and being there to help people who need it whoever they are - in short, I'm more of a confirmed Democrat now than I ever was before.
The more comments I hear about "minorities taking over the country" and "gosh we'll all be in Mosques next" the more scared I get. I get scared because the level of intolerance in this country seems to rise all the time. Otherwise educated people who I come across in my daily life seem to think it's OK to make fun of other faiths - people who would be outraged if you made an anti-Christian joke think it's just hilarious to make fun of someone else's faith. Quite a few of those people also seem to think that its unthinkable to elect a Black man President of the United States, because it means that "they'll take over". Excuse me? Who "they"?
I've been amazed by how these primary elections have laid bare some of the secret beliefs that people hold. That people who are different than themselves must have some secret agenda. Someone told me a few weeks ago that they really believe that Obama is a secret muslim, who as soon as he's elected will whip out a copy of the Quaran and say "fooled you all!".
I'm also amazed lately by my search for a church. I've visited lots of church websites and read lots of church newsletters, but only in one do I get the sense that everyone is truly welcome whatever their color, race or sexuality. Apparently Jesus only came to save straight white people, you see. The only church I've found that specifically states that all are welcome is too far away from me to be a real contender in the "Where Anna atends church" stakes.
Which brings me to another topic, while we're sort of here. A good friend posted a question on her blog that I think deserves much more space than a comment would allow. She asked people's feelings on the ordination of gay people in the Church of England. Here follows my rant:
Why is it so morally right to be a straight person? Do straight people have a monopoly on monogamy (try saying that three times fast) , moral behaviour and family values? Judging by some of the heterosexual relationships I've seen (and been involved in), I really don't believe it's any more moral to be straight than it is to be gay. It's how you live your life, not how you were born.
Some people argue that being gay is sinful behaviour. Well, I don't necessarily believe so, but if you want to take that arguement I'm just as sinful. Know why? Because I'm fat. I'm much more sure that gluttony is a sin than I'm sure that being gay is a sin, but I'm still fat. I'm an unrepentant sinner in this case, which makes me just as "biblically bad" as anyone. Yet I'm welcome to become a priest in the Church of England (assuming I felt that appropriate calling). I'm pretty much welcome everywhere, even though I wear my sin like a big overcoat, advertising it to all and sundry.
My third point here is a huge one, to me. I don't want to think about what my spiritual leader does in bed. Ever. I don't want to think about the Vicar and his wife, or the Vicar and his husband. Seriously - neither is more appealing to me. It's not important - just as it's not important in any other relationship that I have. I don't give a crap what my coworkers do in bed, or my neighbors. Or the bus driver. It shouldn't matter.
People are who they are. I can't change that I like pizza. I'll always like pizza. Even if I never see a pizza again in my life. Even if I promise to only eat celery for the rest of my life - I'll always prefer pizza, and, to stretch the analogy some, resent celery. to stretch the analogy somewhat further, what if I were to promise to everyone I'd only ever eat celery again, but snuck some pizza once in a while? That would be much worse than telling the world that I like pizza, and that occasionally I was going to go ahead and eat some, right?
So anyway, I get queasy when I see people turned away from a loving relationship with God because they're "not right". Because I know I'm as "not right" as they come, but noone turns me away, and because I'm not turned away, maybe I should speak up for those who are turned away, because I really don't think that God turns anyone away. If he does, then he's not a God I want to praise.
Monday, February 11, 2008
The end is nigh!
It must be - I've just joined a gym.
You know I went on and on recently about my idea of the perfect hair salon? Well, I've found that someone else has put the idea into practice for a gym. It's awesome, and it's near enough to my house that it's not a major hassle to get off my bum and go there.
It's all controlled by computer, which means, best of all, there are no attendants! Nobody! It's a wonderful wonderful place. You swipe your card to get into the place, and then swipe out when you're done. Noone to be fake-cheerful at you, and noone to ask why you haven't been in a while which was the problem with the last place I tried - the lady who owned and ran it was nice, but she hovered. If you missed going for a day, she would call and see if you were OK. If I missed a week, it was like the freaking inquisition when I went back there. Of course, one day I missed a week and then couldn't face the inquisition, so I stopped going.
Anyway, I was there on Saturday, and it was just me, alone in a whole room of fun looking gym equipment - it was awesome! I played around and came up with a workout that I like (and that incidentally kicks my ass, so it's probably good for me, too). TV's are tuned to a news channel (not Fox, thank God) with the sound up, which is awesome. I hate silent TV's anywhere, because them I'm forced to make up what the newscasters are saying, and although that's a lot more fun, it's a lot less informative, too.
So that's my news - I'm going to try and work out at least four times a week. I've already managed once, so this shouldn't be too hard. Yeah, right.
You know I went on and on recently about my idea of the perfect hair salon? Well, I've found that someone else has put the idea into practice for a gym. It's awesome, and it's near enough to my house that it's not a major hassle to get off my bum and go there.
It's all controlled by computer, which means, best of all, there are no attendants! Nobody! It's a wonderful wonderful place. You swipe your card to get into the place, and then swipe out when you're done. Noone to be fake-cheerful at you, and noone to ask why you haven't been in a while which was the problem with the last place I tried - the lady who owned and ran it was nice, but she hovered. If you missed going for a day, she would call and see if you were OK. If I missed a week, it was like the freaking inquisition when I went back there. Of course, one day I missed a week and then couldn't face the inquisition, so I stopped going.
Anyway, I was there on Saturday, and it was just me, alone in a whole room of fun looking gym equipment - it was awesome! I played around and came up with a workout that I like (and that incidentally kicks my ass, so it's probably good for me, too). TV's are tuned to a news channel (not Fox, thank God) with the sound up, which is awesome. I hate silent TV's anywhere, because them I'm forced to make up what the newscasters are saying, and although that's a lot more fun, it's a lot less informative, too.
So that's my news - I'm going to try and work out at least four times a week. I've already managed once, so this shouldn't be too hard. Yeah, right.
Thursday, January 24, 2008
Calmer now...
With the immediate crisis from the last time I wrote now slightly less of a crisis (in that it's being fixed), I'm feeling a little better.
Oh, and I want curly hair. Well, I've always wanted curly hair, but I'm working up the nerve to actually do something about it. Like go into a salon and tell someone, who can then point and laugh and say "yeah, right!".
OK, I have a hair salon phobia. There, I've said it. People in hair salons are just so relaxed and self confident. I've never been self confident about my looks, especially my hair, which generally looks unkempt whatever length it's at. I'm also not very good at explaining what I want - I tend to get whatever the person cutting my hair wants to give me, rather than what I wandered in there looking for. I'd bring a picture, but I'm terrified of being laughed at. I have a vision of some hairdresser looking at me, looking at the picture and looking back at me, and then falling on the floor laughing, before composing herself enough to tell me that I'll never look like Angelina Jolie (or whoever).
I propose a new chain of salons. There are salons for guys - you know, the ones where they play sports on the TVs and the hairdressers all wear shorts and tight t-shirts. I propose a girly-but-geeky salon. One where I don' t have to spend my time making small talk about things I don't care about - like who wore what to the Oscars, or who's having Brad Pitt's baby according to the National Enquirer. Internet access at every hairdressing station and blow drier? I think so. I'm more relaxed when I have my laptop with me. Stylists who promise not to laugh and attempt to explain what they're doing? Definately. Perhaps we could also book our appointments by small talk subject? "Politics? That'll be Karen today. Sports? Jackie's your woman". Anyone got any venture capital?
Oh, and I want curly hair. Well, I've always wanted curly hair, but I'm working up the nerve to actually do something about it. Like go into a salon and tell someone, who can then point and laugh and say "yeah, right!".
OK, I have a hair salon phobia. There, I've said it. People in hair salons are just so relaxed and self confident. I've never been self confident about my looks, especially my hair, which generally looks unkempt whatever length it's at. I'm also not very good at explaining what I want - I tend to get whatever the person cutting my hair wants to give me, rather than what I wandered in there looking for. I'd bring a picture, but I'm terrified of being laughed at. I have a vision of some hairdresser looking at me, looking at the picture and looking back at me, and then falling on the floor laughing, before composing herself enough to tell me that I'll never look like Angelina Jolie (or whoever).
I propose a new chain of salons. There are salons for guys - you know, the ones where they play sports on the TVs and the hairdressers all wear shorts and tight t-shirts. I propose a girly-but-geeky salon. One where I don' t have to spend my time making small talk about things I don't care about - like who wore what to the Oscars, or who's having Brad Pitt's baby according to the National Enquirer. Internet access at every hairdressing station and blow drier? I think so. I'm more relaxed when I have my laptop with me. Stylists who promise not to laugh and attempt to explain what they're doing? Definately. Perhaps we could also book our appointments by small talk subject? "Politics? That'll be Karen today. Sports? Jackie's your woman". Anyone got any venture capital?
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Argghhhh!
Ok, I promised a certain person that I'd blog today, and here it is. Warning though - it's full of stress.
In fact it's definately full of stress - I'm at work, I've just realised I've made a huge mistake and now I'm waiting for my boss to get back to his office so I can go and own up to making said mistake and get his help hopefully fixing it.
Other than that (and I'm trying to concentrate on other things right now), I'm generally stressed. And depressed. I'm not sure if it's the season amplifying my general personality or whether I'm going through a rougher patch than that, but there it is, and I'm not sure what to do about it. What makes matters worse is that there's no reason I should be as down as I have been for the last few months. Oh well, this too (hopefully) shall pass. Cause if it doesn't I'll end up doing something stupid, like quitting my job. And I need a paycheck.
Everyone is doing well - Iz is her usual happy self. I'm jsut struggling for answers I don't know the questions to right now.
More later - when I've attempted to dig myself out of the urget hole I seem to have fallen into.
In fact it's definately full of stress - I'm at work, I've just realised I've made a huge mistake and now I'm waiting for my boss to get back to his office so I can go and own up to making said mistake and get his help hopefully fixing it.
Other than that (and I'm trying to concentrate on other things right now), I'm generally stressed. And depressed. I'm not sure if it's the season amplifying my general personality or whether I'm going through a rougher patch than that, but there it is, and I'm not sure what to do about it. What makes matters worse is that there's no reason I should be as down as I have been for the last few months. Oh well, this too (hopefully) shall pass. Cause if it doesn't I'll end up doing something stupid, like quitting my job. And I need a paycheck.
Everyone is doing well - Iz is her usual happy self. I'm jsut struggling for answers I don't know the questions to right now.
More later - when I've attempted to dig myself out of the urget hole I seem to have fallen into.
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