Loooooser!

Yes, it's been a while. In fact, I had almost forgotten that I had a blog (except for those moments when something interesting happened over the last few weeks and I thought "gosh, I must blog about that" and then promptly forgot), but someone shamelessly complimented me on this blog today and it actually prompted me to post an update.

So, where do I start? Not working at the moment. Applying for jobs and not getting incredibly far, but if I'm totally honest, I'm not trying as hard as I could be either. It's looking like it'll be the supermarket for me some time soon. At least it's close to home and not too demanding.

So that's loser point #1. Unemployed and need to get a job.

Loser point #2? It's 2.45 right now, and I've still not managed to do the washing up from last night's dinner, even though I've been at home all day. Yup, I've become a shameless slacker. Well, I've not exactly become a shameless slacker, I've always been a shameless slacker, but I usually manage to hide it and at least make it look like I made an effort - Quiet those of you in the back who have known me since school, where I didn't even bother to show up for quite a lot of the last year of A-Levels. Yes, I know - not my proudest moment.

Loser point #3. I can't win anything, which is about as loserish as it can get, really. Some of you might know that one of my many ways of spending lots of time online and not actually doing anything productive is to enter lots of things. Generally, I can win at least something teeny tiny here and there (and sometimes something really cool and quite significant) but lately I can't even manage a cell phone ring-tone (which is the internet contest prize equivalent of those flyers for carpet cleaning they hand out when you walk down the street).

So, I'm unemployed, spending lots of time on the internet, and I don't even have anything free to show for it. But I have been watching BBC America all day, which means I'm well up on antiques, Gordon Ramsey and vegetable juice.

Really, if I see another episode of "You are what you eat", I'm going to lose my lunch.

Who am I?

Well, the title of blog has never been quite so apt. I've been trying not to post anything becasue I'm scared it'll turn into the hysterical-weepy self analysis that happens every time I open my mouth lately, but I've been asked to blog and I have promised I would, so here it is. No complaining about the mope-fest I'm sure it'll turn out to be:

Work is..... well, suffice to say, work is work. It's not what I want to do forever. Not that I ever really thought it was, but lately it's not even been what I want to do with the next week of my life, let along the next 40 years.

Trouble is, there isn't really anything else. I'm essentially a useful person to have around, but I'm not trained for anything. I have no talents that would lead me to a career (whinging on blogs isn't lucrative, apparently) and I have no qualifications which would allow me to be useful and not have to answer the phone in a cheery voice every ten minutes for the rest of my working life.

What I really, really want is about three months off, to try and figure out the next step without becoming hysterical on a regular basis. Unfortunately, that's not going to happen. I have been assured by my better half that it's not exactly financially viable for me to have a "hitting 30 hard and I've got no career to show for it" crisis right now. I know - I've got some great timing, don't I? World economy falls apart, Anna wants to stop working. Why could I not have had this crisis two years ago?

So, here it is. Any ideas? Post 'em. I could use the help.

I wasn't planning on blogging today...

But I logged onto the BBC news website and found a story about someone so short sighted it takes my breath away. This guy. Apparently when you decide to walk to India relying upon the goodness of strangers you don't think about actually communicating with said strangers - they're just peons in the background there to provide you with everything you need. The most hilarious thing about this story? He's planning on walking around the coast of England while learning French in order to do this next year. Has anyone handed him a map and told him that he might need to think about a few more languages?

Which kind of brings me to my point. Plans. I've been putting a little simple planning into practice lately, and it's been awesome. Nothing special, just a list (made on Sundays) of what I plan to cook for dinner each night, and whether Iz will be buying school dinners or I need to pack her a lunch for each day. A tiny litte plan. A planette, if you will. I'm amazed at the difference that this has made in my life (and how much better the food is in our house if you actually think about it more than five minutes before you need to start cooking). So far we've had some really nice things, with lots of homemade pasta (yum!) and actualy real fresh food.

In other news, I'm going to get political here for a second. I'm amazed by how much my political outlook has changed just by living in a country run by President Bush. In a weird, twisted way I'm grateful for it - I've realized that what small faith I have plays a huge part in how I vote, and how I live my life - about not judging other people, and being there to help people who need it whoever they are - in short, I'm more of a confirmed Democrat now than I ever was before.

The more comments I hear about "minorities taking over the country" and "gosh we'll all be in Mosques next" the more scared I get. I get scared because the level of intolerance in this country seems to rise all the time. Otherwise educated people who I come across in my daily life seem to think it's OK to make fun of other faiths - people who would be outraged if you made an anti-Christian joke think it's just hilarious to make fun of someone else's faith. Quite a few of those people also seem to think that its unthinkable to elect a Black man President of the United States, because it means that "they'll take over". Excuse me? Who "they"?

I've been amazed by how these primary elections have laid bare some of the secret beliefs that people hold. That people who are different than themselves must have some secret agenda. Someone told me a few weeks ago that they really believe that Obama is a secret muslim, who as soon as he's elected will whip out a copy of the Quaran and say "fooled you all!".

I'm also amazed lately by my search for a church. I've visited lots of church websites and read lots of church newsletters, but only in one do I get the sense that everyone is truly welcome whatever their color, race or sexuality. Apparently Jesus only came to save straight white people, you see. The only church I've found that specifically states that all are welcome is too far away from me to be a real contender in the "Where Anna atends church" stakes.

Which brings me to another topic, while we're sort of here. A good friend posted a question on her blog that I think deserves much more space than a comment would allow. She asked people's feelings on the ordination of gay people in the Church of England. Here follows my rant:

Why is it so morally right to be a straight person? Do straight people have a monopoly on monogamy (try saying that three times fast) , moral behaviour and family values? Judging by some of the heterosexual relationships I've seen (and been involved in), I really don't believe it's any more moral to be straight than it is to be gay. It's how you live your life, not how you were born.

Some people argue that being gay is sinful behaviour. Well, I don't necessarily believe so, but if you want to take that arguement I'm just as sinful. Know why? Because I'm fat. I'm much more sure that gluttony is a sin than I'm sure that being gay is a sin, but I'm still fat. I'm an unrepentant sinner in this case, which makes me just as "biblically bad" as anyone. Yet I'm welcome to become a priest in the Church of England (assuming I felt that appropriate calling). I'm pretty much welcome everywhere, even though I wear my sin like a big overcoat, advertising it to all and sundry.

My third point here is a huge one, to me. I don't want to think about what my spiritual leader does in bed. Ever. I don't want to think about the Vicar and his wife, or the Vicar and his husband. Seriously - neither is more appealing to me. It's not important - just as it's not important in any other relationship that I have. I don't give a crap what my coworkers do in bed, or my neighbors. Or the bus driver. It shouldn't matter.

People are who they are. I can't change that I like pizza. I'll always like pizza. Even if I never see a pizza again in my life. Even if I promise to only eat celery for the rest of my life - I'll always prefer pizza, and, to stretch the analogy some, resent celery. to stretch the analogy somewhat further, what if I were to promise to everyone I'd only ever eat celery again, but snuck some pizza once in a while? That would be much worse than telling the world that I like pizza, and that occasionally I was going to go ahead and eat some, right?

So anyway, I get queasy when I see people turned away from a loving relationship with God because they're "not right". Because I know I'm as "not right" as they come, but noone turns me away, and because I'm not turned away, maybe I should speak up for those who are turned away, because I really don't think that God turns anyone away. If he does, then he's not a God I want to praise.

The end is nigh!

It must be - I've just joined a gym.

You know I went on and on recently about my idea of the perfect hair salon? Well, I've found that someone else has put the idea into practice for a gym. It's awesome, and it's near enough to my house that it's not a major hassle to get off my bum and go there.

It's all controlled by computer, which means, best of all, there are no attendants! Nobody! It's a wonderful wonderful place. You swipe your card to get into the place, and then swipe out when you're done. Noone to be fake-cheerful at you, and noone to ask why you haven't been in a while which was the problem with the last place I tried - the lady who owned and ran it was nice, but she hovered. If you missed going for a day, she would call and see if you were OK. If I missed a week, it was like the freaking inquisition when I went back there. Of course, one day I missed a week and then couldn't face the inquisition, so I stopped going.

Anyway, I was there on Saturday, and it was just me, alone in a whole room of fun looking gym equipment - it was awesome! I played around and came up with a workout that I like (and that incidentally kicks my ass, so it's probably good for me, too). TV's are tuned to a news channel (not Fox, thank God) with the sound up, which is awesome. I hate silent TV's anywhere, because them I'm forced to make up what the newscasters are saying, and although that's a lot more fun, it's a lot less informative, too.

So that's my news - I'm going to try and work out at least four times a week. I've already managed once, so this shouldn't be too hard. Yeah, right.

Calmer now...

With the immediate crisis from the last time I wrote now slightly less of a crisis (in that it's being fixed), I'm feeling a little better.

Oh, and I want curly hair. Well, I've always wanted curly hair, but I'm working up the nerve to actually do something about it. Like go into a salon and tell someone, who can then point and laugh and say "yeah, right!".

OK, I have a hair salon phobia. There, I've said it. People in hair salons are just so relaxed and self confident. I've never been self confident about my looks, especially my hair, which generally looks unkempt whatever length it's at. I'm also not very good at explaining what I want - I tend to get whatever the person cutting my hair wants to give me, rather than what I wandered in there looking for. I'd bring a picture, but I'm terrified of being laughed at. I have a vision of some hairdresser looking at me, looking at the picture and looking back at me, and then falling on the floor laughing, before composing herself enough to tell me that I'll never look like Angelina Jolie (or whoever).

I propose a new chain of salons. There are salons for guys - you know, the ones where they play sports on the TVs and the hairdressers all wear shorts and tight t-shirts. I propose a girly-but-geeky salon. One where I don' t have to spend my time making small talk about things I don't care about - like who wore what to the Oscars, or who's having Brad Pitt's baby according to the National Enquirer. Internet access at every hairdressing station and blow drier? I think so. I'm more relaxed when I have my laptop with me. Stylists who promise not to laugh and attempt to explain what they're doing? Definately. Perhaps we could also book our appointments by small talk subject? "Politics? That'll be Karen today. Sports? Jackie's your woman". Anyone got any venture capital?

Argghhhh!

Ok, I promised a certain person that I'd blog today, and here it is. Warning though - it's full of stress.

In fact it's definately full of stress - I'm at work, I've just realised I've made a huge mistake and now I'm waiting for my boss to get back to his office so I can go and own up to making said mistake and get his help hopefully fixing it.

Other than that (and I'm trying to concentrate on other things right now), I'm generally stressed. And depressed. I'm not sure if it's the season amplifying my general personality or whether I'm going through a rougher patch than that, but there it is, and I'm not sure what to do about it. What makes matters worse is that there's no reason I should be as down as I have been for the last few months. Oh well, this too (hopefully) shall pass. Cause if it doesn't I'll end up doing something stupid, like quitting my job. And I need a paycheck.

Everyone is doing well - Iz is her usual happy self. I'm jsut struggling for answers I don't know the questions to right now.

More later - when I've attempted to dig myself out of the urget hole I seem to have fallen into.

I'm in for it this winter.

It's November 9th, and I'm looking out of my window at work, and it's snowing. It's november! It can't snow in november! Well, it obviously can, but how am I going to make it through a winter that's starting so early? Last year, we were wearing t-shirts on an open top bus in New York City in the middle of december.

Oh, and I won $100 last night! *happy dance*. C is now much less skeptical about time spent on the computer, and hasn't teased me at all about playing instant win games and entering contests. More because I told him that I wouldn't share anything I won with him if he didn't stop, but hey, whatever works.

Other than that, I'm stressed, which is why I haven't really been blogging lately. Don't feel like whining and the only other thing that happens when I'm stressed is ranting. You don't need that, either.