No new beginnings today.

Which, for the moment, is a good thing. I need a day's break, and some planning time.

Tomorrow, I will have been married for ten years. For those of you doing the math, yes, I'm 29, and yes I got married when I was 19.

So ten years. That's a lot of time. Somehow, we've kept it together for long enough that I've been married for more than a third of my life. So what have I learned?

I've learned there's no perfection. If you're looking for someone to make your life easy, then marriage isn't your option. Perhaps one of those helper monkeys would be a better deal on that front. I hear they're less expensive in the long run, too. Cooperation is good, but noone ever got married to become a slave. Be thankful for the help you get, and remember that it means giving help back.

I've learned that although there's no perfection, it doesn't mean you should put up with crap. By crap I mean physical or emotional abuse.

I've learned that the seven-year-itch exists, but if you resist it, and get over it, then after that, your relationship is better. In going through that, I've learned that even though it felt like I would never think my husband was the most wonderful man alive again, that feeling came back stronger than ever.

In other news, I booked Iz's party yesterday. for the first time ever, we're doing a party that's not family at our house (although we'll end up doing an informal one of those, too). She's having a gymnastics party, complete with liability forms to be signed by each parent. Now comes the rush of invitations, RSVP's, party-stuff buying (including some treats to take into school next thursday), party favor construction and actually hosting the party. I hate organising parties. It's also one of those things that I've learned to expect to do on my own (see above). Too much anxiety, too much perfectionism - I'm not a perfectionist about my own life, but Iz's parties have to be generous, happy get togethers, put together on a tiny budget which I always overspend.

I'm thinking about making little tote bags to use as party bags. Quite honestly, I can get the fabric for about the same price as the pre-bought plastic bags, and it looks good. I could probably pick up some small coloring books and crayons and make some really cool party favors. It just means a few nights of sitting in the basement sewing. I had better get to it!

And everything changed.

C's grandmother down in Florida, who fell and broke her hip a week ago, has taken a turn for the worse. Not only that, C's mother will not fly.

C, being the good son that he is, is on his way down to Florida. In his parents car. He's taking turns with his father so that they can drive right through. What's worse? I'm the idiot that suggested it. OK, maybe it's not that idiotic, but it's got to be on that list. But I do want C to be able to see his grandmother again, and I want him to be there for his parents - it just means he's not here for me - yup - thats the issue here - I'm selfish, people.

In a few minutes I'll take a chill pill and get some perspective, but right now I'm mad at myself. I'm mad at myself for doing the right thing, I guess. After the last two days, when we've managed to have a huge fight every night, I was really looking forward to some proper time with him. Oh well. I'll get that all the rest of the weekends this summer, I can give one up - right?